Christmas Eve 2016

Hi,
     Well, I am watching "Too Cute" on Animal Planet because I don't want to watch anything else. I am laying in bed. This Christmas Eve is not very eventful. The tree wasn't put up this year and I didn't decorate the porch due to the fact that the cats would destroy anything I would put up inside the house and because I am recovering.
       As I know God is with me, I am feeling very depressed and lonely right now. I know I should feel joyful but I am not. I think it started when I heard the sermon this morning at church.  The priest started talking about parents and children. Even though I don't want any kids, the way he was describing how parents know what their children need and their childrens' communications. I started to cry because even though I am okay with my hysterectomy, part of me is grieving what will never be. I didn't realize how much it hurts to deal with the door closing on that part of being a woman. I know that this too shall pass and I have accepted it but I guess I haven't fully accepted it.
       Then, I am alone upstairs watching TV. The cats, Jack and Starla, are with me but it is not helping my funk. I was very happy this morning before church and then it was all downhill from there. I am excited about Jesus's Birthday. I am just feeling down. I will snap out of it. It will pass but it sucks right now. This is not how I wanted to spend Christmas Eve. I know I will get back to a normal routine soon and it takes time but I am still bummed.  Even seeing cute baby animals on TV isn't snapping me out of it. I am just devastated inside.
        I have turned to God for help, by praying. I know He will help me but I think I will have to grieve until it is time for full acceptance. I read online that even though a woman is wanting a hysterectomy to help with the period issues, she might go through the blues about it. I think I am no exception to the rule. I truly don't want children. I like kids but I like it when they go home with their parents. So, that is why I had the surgery. I didn't expect to feel sad about it. I feel like less of woman. I know that isn't the truth.  I still have my "cycle" but I won't have a period. So, I am not truly menopausal but I won't have a period. It is confusing but not. Anyways, I will be fine.
       I hope that whoever reads this has a Merry Christmas. I hope you feel lots love and joy. I am sure this will pass by tomorrow and I will be happy about Christmas.

                                                           Kim